I was slightly apprehensive when I dug deep into the files on my hard drive to recover an old activity report. After editing the date and changing the project name and a few other minor details, I submitted it. There was a tiny chance my boss in Boston (or his boss is in Singapore) would recognize the duplication and deceit, but I need not have worried. His return e-mail simply said “Well done, keep me posted on progress”.

For him to notice I duplicated an earlier report would require him to have read the original—absurd, I know. He’s much too busy maintaining his 4 golf handicap to pay any attention to what his research team is actually doing. There were others I was more worried about. For example, Peter O’Malley. Can a more persistent irritant be imagined? Ever since I reached into his research team and plucked Lucy Dinkenesh from his tenacious grasp, he has plotted revenge. However, since his IQ is only 160. You can imagine how futile are his efforts. Still, I must be constantly vigilant.

He came by and we had this conversation.

Annoying Peter: Good afternoon, Dr. Engleberry.

Fred Engleberry: Hmmph. I’m busy, can we postpone this conversation until, say, never?

AP: [Laughs] I’m afraid not, good doctor, I have an important matter to raise with you.

He waved his Kelly-Green all-access security badge.

I was blocked from entering the neural network lab.

FE: Of course. We’re working on a new top secret project and I changed the codes.

AP: But I have a secret security clearance.

FE: Ah, but Dr. O’Malley, you don’t have the new double-star top secret clearance.

AP: I wasn’t aware such a category existed.

FE: It’s new.

AP: How will I get access to my Micromass Quatro-LC Triple Quadrupole Mass Spectrometer?

FE: That presents an obstacle. I suppose you could fill out the form and submit it to the security department.

AP: [scratching his gray beard] Yes, I suppose I shall. Thank you, Dr. Engleberry.

That should stall him for a while, but until his team can spoof trillibit quantum security algorithms, he will not be entering the Applied Entanglement Lab and our work will progress with complete privacy. I returned to my flame war with James Woods on the Hebbian Perceptron forum. The man thinks he can lecture me on hybrid cognitron nets. Preposterous.

-          TO BE CONTINUED