A young engineer was leaving the office at 3.45 p.m. when he found the Acting CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.

"Listen," said the Acting CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary is not here. Can you make this thing work?"

"Certainly," said the young engineer. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.

"Excellent, excellent!" said the Acting CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine, "I just need one copy."

Just a Friday kind of question:
How many mega-hurts are there in a giggle-bit?

A French torist walks into a McDonald's in New York and asks to see the wine list.

The guy in line behind him snorts and says: "They don't serve wine in here you moron!"

The Frenchman replies: "You mean you come here for the food?"

Q: Why are men are attracted to women with a raspy voice?

A: We think: "Hey, maybe she's all done yelling"

If an infinite number of rednecks riding in an infinite number of pickup trucks fire an infinite number of shotgun rounds at an infinite number of highway signs...

...they will eventually produce all the world's great literary
works in Braille!

_DavidLin

Today, wife to 4YO: "too much candy will make your teeth fall out" 4YO: "yay, i'm going to be rich!" He still believes in the tooth fairy.

My wife dresses to kill...

... unfortunately she cooks the same way!

My wife doesn't like to go to bed angry...

... she prefers to stay up and fight!

A man moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letter from his grandmother asking him to send her a current photo of himself in his new location.

Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a nudist colony, he cuts a photo in half and mails it.

The next day he discovers that he had accidentally sent the bottom half of the photo. He's really worried but then remembers how bad his grandmother's eyesight is, and hopes she won't notice.

A few weeks later, he receives a letter from his Grandmother that says: "Thank you for the picture, but I think you should change your hairstyle... it makes your nose look too short. Love, Grandma"

Beware of Hostess/Host serving Margarine

This is interesting ... in an odd sort of way...

Margarine was originally manufactured to fatten turkeys When it killed the turkeys, the people who had put all the money into the research wanted a payback so they put their heads toagether to figure out what to do with this product to get their money back.
It was a white substance with no food appeal so they added the yellow colouring and sold it to people to use in place of butter. How do you like it? They have come out with some clever new flavourings..

DO YOU KNOW.. The difference between margarine and butter?

Both have the same amount of calories.
Butter is slightly higher in saturated fats at 8 grams; compared to 5 grams for margarine.
Eating margarine can increase heart disease in women by 53% over eating the same amount of butter, according to a recent Harvard Medical Study.
Eating butter increases the absorption of many other nutrients in other foods.
Butter has many nutritional benefits where margarine has a few and only because they are added!
Butter tastes much better than margarine and it can enhance the flavours of other foods..
Butter has been around for centuries where margarine has been around for less than 100 years .

And now, for Margarine..

Very High in Trans fatty acids.
Triples risk of coronary heart disease .
Increases total cholesterol and LDL (this is the bad cholesterol) and lowers HDL cholesterol, (the good cholesterol)
Increases the risk of cancers up to five times...
Lowers quality of breast milk.
Decreases immune response.
Decreases insulin response.

And here's the most disturbing fact…

Margarine is but ONE MOLECULE away from being PLASTIC... and shares 27 ingredients with PAINT

These facts alone were enough to have me avoiding margarine for life and anything else that is hydrogenated (this means hydrogen is added, changing the molecular structure of the substance).

You can try this yourself:

Purchase a tub of margarine and leave it open in your garage or shaded area. Within a couple of days you will notice a couple of things:
* no flies, not even those pesky fruit flies will go near it (that should tell you something)
* it does not rot or smell differently because it has no nutritional value; nothing will grow on it. Even those teeny weeny microorganisms will not a find a home to grow. Why? Because it is nearly plastic . Would you melt your Tupperware and spread that on your toast?